..that’s how you feel sometimes, but still never often enough.

Most of us are trying to live up to expectations 24/7, be it your partners’, friends’, boss’ or – which appears to be the most terrifying option of all – your own ones. Every minute selfcensoring and withdrawing for the sake of living up to others’ expectations.

Around me I often hear that people need more of this or that (which could be chocolate doughnuts, the car key, finally a break to go to the toilet, the mobile phone you left on the kitchen table, though mostly they are time, the¬† deserved dream job or money). But I hardly ever hear “actually, I have enough of everything for the moment, thanks”.

It makes me wonder why that is so, and it also makes the ability to feel satisfied very precious and desirable. Ability to feel satisfied could help to ease the expectation-torture we tend to put ourselves into. I really do adore the people I meet who UNAPOLOGETICALLY live their imperfect lives, and still thrive and shine from happiness:

No boyfriend at the time? – Then I dive into a new job and work on my career.

Shitty job but no option of change anywhere near? – Well, I focus on cherishing my social time with family, friends, partner even more and enjoy my free time with them. Start a new hobby or go to the gym…

There IS always something that is going at least alright. But instead of looking for the needle in the haystack  (if it even is a needle and not a huge pole we are desperately trying to ignore) we are champions in not getting our minds off the nasty part. And not getting our minds off the expectations that once again we could not or even might not live up to. I probably am world champion in this discipline.

Did you wonder why I started writing a blog? It’s got nothing to do with spreading my not superior thoughts, it’s more that I hope that it could help me to write stuff down, out of my head, onto the virtual paper, and by that I might collect enough material to one day start writing a song. I felt like that for a long time, but I guess if you rise your expectations high enough, the only thing you can do in the end is curl up to a ball and hide under your bedcover. My mission with this blog: no pondering, no self-censoring (to an extend which is commonsensible on a public webpage) but trying to approach the state of being unapologetically alive.